Mel Of Bacchus

Ask anyone whom knew me as a child and they will tell you that I have always been a worrier.

Growing up in the environment I did I never knew what the next hour would bring especially when my parents drank.

These days though, I don’t worry as much!

I have created a life for myself and my children where I no longer have to worry about the things of my past.

But 2 things that sometimes keep me up at night are..

• The way I will Die one day

I saw death for the first time when my father passed away in my arms in 2021. It’s something that never ever leaves your memory and I still have flashbacks. So I fear that when my time comes, that my kids and/or partner David may also have to live with my last moments forever. I just hope it’s not too traumatising.

• Who will my kids turn to in their time of need?

My children have never really not had me in their every day and they still need me for all the little things. I know when my Dad passed away, I felt lost. I still feel deeply sad for him to not be around to share all the wonderful things happening in my life and a parent is so irreplaceable.

I fear that when I pass, my kids will have no one. It’s a genuine concern I’ve always had because their fathers have always been absent, both of my siblings are addicts and both of my parents have passed.

My only hope is that they look after each other in life and that they feel comfortable to go to my partner for support if/when they need it.

Especially my daughter whom gets separation anxiety if I’m away from home too long.

I fear of what my kids lives will look like without me.

Who will love and look after them? Who will help them when they get stuck or need advice? Who will support them when they need a hand?

These are the things I worry the most about!